the Funnelwhich

Senate grapples with interior design issues.

  • as congress closes, senate has one difficult issue left
  • “economy? foriegn relations? finding justice for victims whose throats have been slashed by the edges of those new tapered and therefore deadly iPhones?” no.
  • classic rotunda design since, let’s say, 1200 B.C.
  • dust everywhere
  • asthmatic senators
  • just last week the proposal to provide relief to Katrina survivors got tangled with a bill to invade Pakistan
  • now they’re going to construct a bridge across New Orleans
  • “a great big bridge with fabulous tits” says one
  • “wasn’t New Orleans three years ago?”
  • “better late than never, right?”
  • “not really”
  • “yes really now do you really want to tangle yourself with the dark mauvers”
  • waved paintbrush threateningly at me, a paintbrush in the shape of a tit
  • “now that’s just preposterous”
  • invade New Orleans
  • “how am i going to fabricate the evidence on this one” says White House staff
  • senators walk around in circles and circles, always lost
  • new design: an exact replica of Ford’s Theatre
  • old senators in balconies above the panopticon that is C-SPAN where they can sleep in peace
  • finalize wallpaper color
  • senator from oregon motions to change color to mauve
  • senator from idaho tells senator from oregon to take his mauve and shove it up his wrinkled butt
  • we want dark mauve
  • a contentious debate between mauvers and dark mauvers
  • green
  • “fucking greeners, just distracting the American public with their third-color ideas”
  • “i just want a tiling tit pattern”
  • “motion to quash this tit idea. we already have a majority ruling on cleavage.”
  • “that was before the supreme court upheld the separation of snuggly spaces and state”
  • “who in their right mind snuggles between tits?”
  • the debate between tits and cleavage rages on, hard.